20 More Days ’til Halloween, 2016: CEMETERY OF TERROR (1985)


Well, I did it. I let myself be as artsy and pretentious as I wanted to be with my posting yesterday. Was it appreciated by my would be readers? Judging by the traffic: not really. Ah, well…I’ll give it time. Today I’m offering some good, tasty, fun loving trash to make up for the lack of oxygen in yesterday’s film choices. As I’ve said before, balance is everything.

I’m a big fan of Mexican horror from the 80s. Who knew that there were so many young, rich, idiotic yuppies in the suburbs of Mexico City? They make the “teenagers” in HALLOWEEN, FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH, and PROM NIGHT seem like characters from a Wes Anderson film. The “teenage” (read: twenty something) cast from CEMETERY OF TERROR is comprised of douchebag would-be doctors who think it’s a hilarious prank to tell their constantly complaining, hairspray obsessed girlfriends that they’re taking them to a “VIP party” (whatever that is,) when they are actually taking them to the abandoned house of a recently killed, web-fingered, mass-murdering occultist. The web-fingered (it’s never explained) occultist left his scary magic book behind at his spooky house…so you can pretty much guess what happens after that. Oh yah…it’s Halloween…

Added to this pretty uniform mix is a gaggle of real children who are out roaming the suburban Mexican streets for Halloween goodies and decide that it would be really fun to go to the local graveyard. Since they don’t have “stranger danger” in Mexico, these children decide to hitch a ride from a disheveled looking man in a rape van and actually arrive to the cemetery safely. Zombies happen after that. Super fun zombies. It’s THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD with preteens. All the partying is left to the twenty-somethings, of course, but the preteens do the running for their lives. The twenty-somethings don’t do much running. They don’t get very far, at least…

Lots of fake fog. Throbbing electronic soundtrack. Gore. Zombies. Web-fingered murderer brought back from the dead with a magic book. Dream sequences. Water skiing. A completely preposterous body snatching. A kind-of-hot psychiatrist who the authorities just won’t believe. Offensive gender stereotypes. Inept cops. Worried parents. Rich-people-Mexico (which is comprised of buildings from the late 60s still in excellent condition). Terrible pop songs. Paranormal object tossing. Crispy hair. Pastels. Styrofoam gravestones.

Step right up, everything you need is right here!


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